with apologies to the shade of W S Gilbert ...
The old conductor, named Anon
with his conductor’s jacket on
in dressing room did nightly loom
with spectacles invested.
Behind them his conductor’s eye
was roving low and roving high,
and all the girls knew quite well why
Conductor’s interested.
And you will say , and so will I,
that they were right to wave goodbye!
This presence bold you may assume
caused great dismay throughout the room,
for young and old and shy and bold
were equally inspected.
The lass with snapped elastic band
must stand strategically fanned,
or she’d be offered a helping hand –
she usually objected.
And you’ll allow, as I expect,
that she was right to so object!
The ladies’ chorus promptly then
who were all judges of their men
displayed their judging out of ten
for this professional voyeur.
The net result I’ll tell to you –
you need not blush, for it’s not blue –
the average was four point two
and not a fraction higher.
And we were right, I think you’ll say,
to judge him in this kind of way!